Fast Forward: On Procrastination & Vulnerability
A poem by Debbie Danon about the very human desire to ‘Fast Forward’ difficult experiences, and why procrastination rarely delivers the goods.
As featured on Episode #200 of the Turning Towards Life Podcast.
The awkwardness of this silence.
Let me fill the space with whatever. Any nonsense is better than this.
The sinking shame of a mistake.
Let me make all the ‘sorry’ or 'back off' noises. Move the spotlight from my disgrace.
The dread of beginning again.
Let me delay just one more day…
The nagging need I won’t admit.
Netflix! Ebay! What’s App!
A prospect dashed by disappointment.
‘I’m fine. I’m fine.’
(Oh God, I wish I was fine.)
And then there are moments,
Quiet still moments
Before my itchy finger can hit the button.
I realise that fast forward isn’t doing what it promised.
I’m still here.
Doubts still perched on my shoulder.
Fear still churning my gut.
3-year-old me still wailing in my throat.
One day, curiosity calls before the dread.
I peel off the 'fast forward' sticker from the button.
There it is in faded red letters...
‘Abandon Yourself.’
The betrayal is complete.
Maybe this time will be different.
If I can just stay still for a moment longer
I can resist the easy fix.
If I can gather up that shaking part of myself and tell her,
‘It’s okay. I’m here. Let’s feel it all together…’
Not to abandon.
To be my own companion.
Maybe this time,
I can choose.
Reflection Questions:
Your relationship with uncomfortable emotions
Take some time to complete each of these sentences for yourself…
What experiences do you tend to want to ‘quick fix’?
What are your go-to fast forward buttons? And how do you know you’re reaching for one?
What helps you move through moments of avoidance or procrastination?
Who in your life can support you in moments like this?
‘Fast Forward’ was recently featured on the
Turning Towards Life Podcast
with Lizzie Winn & Justin Wise.
If you enjoyed the poem, click the picture below to tune into their wonderful discussion.
